KITCHEN + HOME

When someone tells me I look familiar, I tell them, “I do porn.”

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it at the crowd to see who is next.

I didn’t wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed. Now I’m worried about my vagina.

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood

My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

You know you’re getting old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on Wheel of Fortune

Overall, I love you more than I want to strangle you.

Most people can’t tell if I’m being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in & doing whatever we wanted in a clean house, so we had kids.

I wish I had more Middle Fingers

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that.” to “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”

I just fired myself from cleaning the house. I don’t like my attitude & I got caught drinking on the job.

Wife: “I’m Pissed!” Husband: “Again or still?”

Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn’t even care that it’s on your legs.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.

This whole “kill them with Kindness” thing is taking way longer than anticipated

Sometimes I stare at my husband when he isn’t looking and I think to myself, wow… He is one lucky son of a bitch.

Concrete Trinket Tray

High as Hell Metal Tray

You Are Loved

It's A Good Day Trinket Tray

LOVE- Large Rectangle Trinket Tray

Pill Bottle & Pills Trinket Tray

Shit I Don't Want To Lose Trinket Tray

Chill The Fuck Out

If It Makes You Happy… Smiley Face Trinket Tray

Grow Through What You Go Through Scalloped Trinket Tray

Just Be Fucking Kind Today Trinket Tray

Random Crap Tray

Love More Worry Less Trinket Tray

You Are So Loved Darling

Shady Air 3D Printed Head Planter

Mom Flower Garden

I'm A Nurse! What’s your superpower? Small Planter

Weed small Planter

Love Planter

Plant Whisperer Planter

Thirsty Bitch Planter

Nurse Planter

Boho Concrete Planter

Hex Succulent Planter

Triangle Succulent Planter

Vegetable and Nail Brush

Fine Pruning Snips

Seed Saving Envelopes

Seedy MF Small Planter

I Don't Always Play Pickleball Tea Towel - Hand Towel

Excuse The Mess I'm A Shitty Housewife Dish Towel

I'm Not Great At Advice Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment Tea Towel