KITCHEN + HOME

Lemon Lime on White Swedish Dishcloth

Peaches Swedish Dishcloth

Piggies Swedish Dishcloth

Pineapples Swedish Dishcloth

Sea Turtles Swedish Dishcloth

Santa Doesn’t Believe In You Trinket Tray

Pack of 2 Christmas Chimney Tea Towels

Pack of 2 Merry & Bright Tea Towels

Are You Drunk?

I Can't Wait To Retire So I Can Get Up At 6 O'clock In The Morning And Go Drive Around Really Slow And Make Everybody Late For Work

That Candle Smells Like Fireball

Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.

Fun Fact: If you refill a wine glass before it’s empty, it still counts as one glass.

Listen, if drunk me said or did something, you gotta take it up with drunk me. Don’t come at sober me because we weren’t there. We don’t know what happened…

Anyone getting to the point where it would be OK if Jolene came and took your man?

I don’t mind coming to work, but waiting 8 hours to go home is bullshit.

HR said I’m not allowed to make up names for my coworkers

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.

Let me check my Giveashitometer. Nope, nothing.

Me: I love the swim-up bar at this resort! Husband: You’re in the bath and you’re drunk again

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it at the crowd to see who is next.

I didn’t wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed. Now I’m worried about my vagina.

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood

Stop being an Asshole

Whore Members

The officer said, You Drinking?

Don't be a dick coaster

Scene at my boss's funeral

Let me call you right back

I got called pretty today!

Damn I woke up sexy again

Driving down a road and saw my ex coaster

Me: I'm actually happy right now.

I hate it when I got to the kitchen

It's 6 months since I joined the gym

Them "You need to listen to your body more."

Husband: What's for dinner?

When My Kids Say Daddy, i want mommy

I now know how it will all end for me

It feels amazing to walk into a store

Me: I want to travel

You know you’re getting old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on Wheel of Fortune

Overall, I love you more than I want to strangle you.

Most people can’t tell if I’m being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

I wish I had more Middle Fingers

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from You Probably shouldn't say that

I just fired myself from cleaning the house. I don’t like my attitude & I got caught drinking on the job.

Wife: I’m Pissed! Husband: “Again or still?”

Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn’t even care that it’s on your legs.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.

This whole “kill them with Kindness” thing is taking way longer than anticipated

Sometimes I stare at my husband when he isn’t looking and I think to myself, wow… He is one lucky son of a bitch.

Wooden Plant Markers

Seedy MF Small Planter

Plant Whisperer Planter

It's A Good Day Trinket Tray

LOVE- Large Rectangle Trinket Tray

Shit I Don't Want To Lose Trinket Tray

Best Bitches Trinket Tray

Ray of Fucking Sunshine Smiley Face Trinket Tray

Plant Slut Candle

You Make The World A Better Place Trinkey tray

Grill Master Tea Towel

It's Tea Time Mother Fucker Tea Towel

Made Of Cheese Tea Towel

Suck It Tea Towel

This Home Is Built On Love Embroidery Kit

Lingering Scent of Disappointment candle

Fuck You're Forty Candle

A Wise Woman Once Said Fuck This Shit Candle

Burning candles.. because setting fire to people I fucking hate is frowned upon candle

Smells like.. freshly signed divorce papers Candle

I'm Just Like Other Mums candle

Teacher's last nerve candle