KITCHEN + HOME

My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

You know you’re getting old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on Wheel of Fortune

Overall, I love you more than I want to strangle you.

Most people can’t tell if I’m being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in & doing whatever we wanted in a clean house, so we had kids.

I wish I had more Middle Fingers

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that.” to “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”

Christmas Sloth Swedish Dishcloth

Christmas Three Gnomes Swedish Dishcloths

I just fired myself from cleaning the house. I don’t like my attitude & I got caught drinking on the job.

Wife: “I’m Pissed!” Husband: “Again or still?”

Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn’t even care that it’s on your legs.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.

This whole “kill them with Kindness” thing is taking way longer than anticipated

Sometimes I stare at my husband when he isn’t looking and I think to myself, wow… He is one lucky son of a bitch.

Concrete Trinket Tray

It's A Good Day Trinket Tray

LOVE- Large Rectangle Trinket Tray

Shit I Don't Want To Lose Trinket Tray

Chill The Fuck Out

Grow Through What You Go Through Scalloped Trinket Tray

Random Crap Tray

Love More Worry Less Trinket Tray

You Are So Loved Darling

Mom Flower Garden

Weed small Planter

Love Planter

Plant Whisperer Planter

Boho Concrete Planter

Hex Succulent Planter

Triangle Succulent Planter

Vegetable and Nail Brush

Fine Pruning Snips

Seed Saving Envelopes

Seedy MF Small Planter

I'm Not Great At Advice Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment Tea Towel

Cherry Blossoms Swedish Dishcloth

Lemon Lime on White Swedish Dishcloth

Peaches Swedish Dishcloth

Piggies Swedish Dishcloth

Pack of 2 Pressed Floral Tea Towels

Stop being an Asshole

Whore Members

The officer said, You Drinking?

Get Shit Done Square Trinket Tray

Best Bitches Trinket Tray

It's A Good Day To Have A Good Day With Clouds Square Tray

Ray of Fucking Sunshine W/ Smiley Faces Square Trinket Tray

Dasher Dancer Prancer Vixen Tea Towel

Apparently when someone says get a grip

Of all the lies I've told Just Kidding is my favorite

Remember If we get caught Tea Towel

Santa Doesn’t Believe In You Trinket Tray

Pack of 2 Christmas Chimney Tea Towels

Pack of 2 Merry & Bright Tea Towels

BEFORE I GET BACK IN SHAPE TEA TOWEL

I Don't Need Anger Management

I like my butt rubbed and my pork pulled

Seahawks Are On Door Mat

I'm just a mom standing in front of my kids room Tea Towels

Fresh Out of fucks Pot Holders

Welcome To The Shitshow Potholder

Fuck Stripe Oven Mitt

I Cook Because Tequila Potholder

I'm A Shitty Housewife dish towel

When Life Hands You Lemons Tea Towel

I Still Want To Be Invited Hand Towel

We Should Be Friends Swedish Dishcloth