Orders placed before 12pm PST are eligible for same day shipping Monday - Friday

KEEP IT SASSY

2370 products

Sort

2370 products

Banned From Mom Groups

I Just Dropped My New Single. It's Me. I'm Single.

3" Feels Like 8 When You Are Think You’re In Love mug

The Good Shit Tumbler

It's a Throat Punch Kind Of Day

Everything Is Fine

Fucker in charge of all you fucking fucks white tumbler

I love cock tails. Wine Tumbler

Just An Old Ho Carrying On

Calm Your Tits Mug

I know I’m your Favorite Employee I mean look around. Mug

Shit Show Supervisor. See also: Miracle worker, superhero. Mug

Because Kids Wine Glass

Because Husbands Wine glass

Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk past again? Koozie

I don’t mind coming to work, but waiting 8 hours to go home is bullshit.

Listen, if drunk me said or did something, you gotta take it up with drunk me. Don’t come at sober me because we weren’t there. We don’t know what happened…

Fun Fact: If you refill a wine glass before it’s empty, it still counts as one glass.

That Candle Smells Like Fireball

HR said I’m not allowed to make up names for my coworkers

Sold Out

Overall, I love you more than I want to strangle you.

You know you’re getting old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on Wheel of Fortune

Me at work: I don’t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this sober

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.

Let me check my Giveashitometer. Nope, nothing.

I didn’t wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed. Now I’m worried about my vagina.

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood

Most people can’t tell if I’m being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

Me: I love the swim-up bar at this resort! Husband: You’re in the bath and you’re drunk again

At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it at the crowd to see who is next.

Sold Out

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

I just fired myself from cleaning the house. I don’t like my attitude & I got caught drinking on the job.

I wish I had more Middle Fingers

This bottle of wine tastes like all the presents are going in gift bags this year. Kitchen Tea Towel

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from You Probably shouldn't say that

Teacher: “Name a book that made you cry.” Me: Algebra

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.

This whole “kill them with Kindness” thing is taking way longer than anticipated

Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn’t even care that it’s on your legs.

I Can't Wait To Retire So I Can Get Up At 6 O'clock In The Morning And Go Drive Around Really Slow And Make Everybody Late For Work

Are we having drinks? Or are we having dranks? I need to dress accordingly. Kitchen Tea Towel

Thank you, Craft Beer Breweries, for making my drinking problem seem like a neat hobby. Kitchen Tea Towel

100% unbleached cotton dish towel that reads "I love bacon because you can wrap it around everything. It's basically the duct tape of food"

I love Bacon because you can wrap it around everything. It is basically the duct tape of food. Kitchen Tea Towel

Part of me says, I should stop drinking like this. But the other part of me says, “Don’t listen to her. She’s drunk.” Kitchen Tea Towel

Don't ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to use. You measure that shit with your heart. Kitchen Tea Towel

Medium Chunky Salsa Me too, salsa. Me too. Kitchen Tea Towel

I don’t know the secret to happiness, but I tell you what - I’ve never been sad at a Mexican restaurant. Kitchen Tea Towel

Way too many of our stories end with, “and that’s why we can never go back there.” Kitchen Tea Towel

Eat a salad they said, it’s healthy. You know what never gets recalled? Kitchen Tea Towel

I keep the subtitles on because sometimes I'm just snackin' too loud.

They Should Put More Wine In A Bottle

Husband said calm down

The Food Has Weed In It Spatula

Baking Some Shut The Fucupcakes Spatula

You're Like Really Hard To Shop For

Holy Shit, You're Old!

Smells like Retirement

Cancer, You Picked The Wrong Bitch

Plant Slut Candle

Fucking Quitter -Oops I Mean- Happy Retirement!

I Never Dreamed I'd Grow Up To Be An Asshole but Here I am Killing it

The Dog Has Been Fed, Don’t Listen to His Bullshit

Sold Out

You're Not Hungry, You're Just Stoned - Magnet

I'm a goddamn genius - Magnet

Sold Out

Doing my fucking best - Magnet

Sold Out

I'm a Ray of Fucking Sunshine Magnet

Everything Hurts and I'm Dying - Magnet

I Have No Idea What The Fuck I'm Doing Magnet

Fuck Off I'm Tired Magnet

Fuck This Shit Magnet

Some people didn’t fall from the stupid tree… They were dragged through the entire Dumbass Forest. Magnet

Woke up this morning with a cup of water and a note next to my bed that said, “For Your Hangover.” I took a sip and it was alcohol. Drunk me is an asshole. Magnet

Previous 1 2 3 4 … 32 Next