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1970 products

I Like Pretty Things & the word Fuck

Look Who's All Grown Up And Ready For A Colonoscopy

Nosey Little Fucker Aren't You

I Sprinkle Fuck In Every Sentence Like It's Parsley

Fresh Outta Fucks Shot Glass

I'll have what the guy on the floor Shot Glass

Just A Girl Who Loves Peckers Shot Glass

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Ray Of Fucking Sunshine Shot Glass

What Up, Slut Shot Glass

Being Cremated Is My Last Hope For a Smoking Body

Instead of a Grandchild May I Interest You In a Plant

Banned From Mom Groups

I Just Dropped My New Single. It's Me. I'm Single.

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Pretending To Be Polite Is So Exhausting

3" Feels Like 8 When You Are Think You’re In Love mug

The Good Shit Tumbler

It's a Throat Punch Kind Of Day

Everything Is Fine

Fucker in charge of all you fucking fucks white tumbler

I love cock tails. Wine Tumbler

Just An Old Ho Carrying On

Calm Your Tits Mug

I know I’m your Favorite Employee I mean look around. Mug

Shit Show Supervisor. See also: Miracle worker, superhero. Mug

Because Kids Wine Glass

Because Husbands Wine glass

Born and Raised in Wishabitch Woods

Since I don’t qualify for a She Shed, I want a Bitch Barn. Koozie

Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk past again? Koozie

I don’t mind coming to work, but waiting 8 hours to go home is bullshit.

Anyone getting to the point where it would be OK if Jolene came and took your man?

Listen, if drunk me said or did something, you gotta take it up with drunk me. Don’t come at sober me because we weren’t there. We don’t know what happened…

1980 Caddy Day Bushwood CC Golf Tournament Champion Christmas Ornament

Therapist: and What do we do When we Are Sad? Me: Add to Cart. Therapist: No.

Fun Fact: If you refill a wine glass before it’s empty, it still counts as one glass.

Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.

That Candle Smells Like Fireball

HR said I’m not allowed to make up names for my coworkers

Overall, I love you more than I want to strangle you.

You know you’re getting old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on Wheel of Fortune

Me at work: I don’t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this sober

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.

Let me check my Giveashitometer. Nope, nothing.

I didn’t wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed. Now I’m worried about my vagina.

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood

Most people can’t tell if I’m being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

Me: I love the swim-up bar at this resort! Husband: You’re in the bath and you’re drunk again

At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it at the crowd to see who is next.

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

I just fired myself from cleaning the house. I don’t like my attitude & I got caught drinking on the job.

I wish I had more Middle Fingers

Wife: I’m Pissed! Husband: “Again or still?”

This bottle of wine tastes like all the presents are going in gift bags this year. Kitchen Tea Towel

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I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from You Probably shouldn't say that

Teacher: “Name a book that made you cry.” Me: Algebra

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.

This whole “kill them with Kindness” thing is taking way longer than anticipated

Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn’t even care that it’s on your legs.

Sometimes I stare at my husband when he isn’t looking and I think to myself, wow… He is one lucky son of a bitch.

I Can't Wait To Retire So I Can Get Up At 6 O'clock In The Morning And Go Drive Around Really Slow And Make Everybody Late For Work

I still don't understand what a wine stopper is for

Are we having drinks? Or are we having dranks? I need to dress accordingly. Kitchen Tea Towel

Thank you, Craft Beer Breweries, for making my drinking problem seem like a neat hobby. Kitchen Tea Towel

100% unbleached cotton dish towel that reads "I love bacon because you can wrap it around everything. It's basically the duct tape of food"

I love Bacon because you can wrap it around everything. It is basically the duct tape of food. Kitchen Tea Towel

Part of me says, I should stop drinking like this. But the other part of me says, “Don’t listen to her. She’s drunk.” Kitchen Tea Towel

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Don't ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to use. You measure that shit with your heart. Kitchen Tea Towel

I'm outdoorsy in that I like drinking on patios. Kitchen Tea Towel

Medium Chunky Salsa Me too, salsa. Me too. Kitchen Tea Towel

If you have to ask if it’s too early to drink… You're an amateur and we can't be friends. Kitchen Tea Towel

I don’t know the secret to happiness, but I tell you what - I’ve never been sad at a Mexican restaurant. Kitchen Tea Towel

My Spirit Animal Is A Fat Raccoon Trying To Get Into a Dumpster. Kitchen Tea Towel

Way too many of our stories end with, “and that’s why we can never go back there.” Kitchen Tea Towel

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