KEEP IT SASSY

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood

$6.00

Most people can’t tell if I’m being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

$6.00

Me: I love the swim-up bar at this resort! Husband: You’re in the bath and you’re drunk again

$6.00

At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it at the crowd to see who is next.

$6.00

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

$6.00

I just fired myself from cleaning the house. I don’t like my attitude & I got caught drinking on the job.

$6.00

And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in & doing whatever we wanted in a clean house, so we had kids.

$6.00

I wish I had more Middle Fingers

$6.00

Wife: I’m Pissed! Husband: “Again or still?”

$6.00

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from You Probably shouldn't say that

$6.00

Teacher: “Name a book that made you cry.” Me: Algebra

$6.00

Sold Out

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.

$6.00

This whole “kill them with Kindness” thing is taking way longer than anticipated

$6.00

Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn’t even care that it’s on your legs.

$6.00

Sometimes I stare at my husband when he isn’t looking and I think to myself, wow… He is one lucky son of a bitch.

$6.00

I Can't Wait To Retire So I Can Get Up At 6 O'clock In The Morning And Go Drive Around Really Slow And Make Everybody Late For Work

$6.00

I still don't understand what a wine stopper is for

$10.00

Try My New Recipe, They’re Shut The Fucupcakes. Kitchen Tea Towel

$10.00

Are we having drinks? Or are we having dranks? I need to dress accordingly. Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

Thank you, Craft Beer Breweries, for making my drinking problem seem like a neat hobby. Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

100% unbleached cotton dish towel that reads "I love bacon because you can wrap it around everything. It's basically the duct tape of food"

I love Bacon because you can wrap it around everything. It is basically the duct tape of food. Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

Part of me says, I should stop drinking like this. But the other part of me says, “Don’t listen to her. She’s drunk.” Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

Don't ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to use. You measure that shit with your heart. Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

Beware of the dog. The cat is shady as hell also. Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

I'm outdoorsy in that I like drinking on patios. Kitchen Tea Towel

$10.00

Medium Chunky Salsa Me too, salsa. Me too. Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

If you have to ask if it’s too early to drink… You're an amateur and we can't be friends. Kitchen Tea Towel

$10.00

I don’t know the secret to happiness, but I tell you what - I’ve never been sad at a Mexican restaurant. Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

My Spirit Animal Is A Fat Raccoon Trying To Get Into a Dumpster. Kitchen Tea Towel

$10.00

Way too many of our stories end with, “and that’s why we can never go back there.” Kitchen Tea Towel

$10.00

Eat a salad they said, it’s healthy. You know what never gets recalled? Kitchen Tea Towel

$14.00

I keep the subtitles on because sometimes I'm just snackin' too loud.

$14.00

Sold Out

They Should Put More Wine In A Bottle

$14.00

Husband said calm down

$14.00

Sold Out

Rise And Shine Bitches!

$14.00

When In Doubt Pull It Out

$14.00

I Bake Shit And I Avoid People

$14.00

The Food Has Weed In It Spatula

$18.00

Baking Some Shut The Fucupcakes Spatula

$18.00

I Am A Ray Of Fucking Sunshine

$22.00

You're Like Really Hard To Shop For

$22.00

Holy Shit, You're Old!

$22.00

Happy Fucking Birthday

$22.00

Calm The Fuck Down

$22.00

Smells like Retirement

$22.00

My Last Fuck

$22.00

Adulting, Would Not Recommend

$22.00

Good Luck Finding Better Co-Workers Than Us

Cancer, You Picked The Wrong Bitch

$22.00

It's Your Fucking Birthday

$22.00

Plant Slut Candle

$22.00

Burning candles.. because setting fire to people I fucking hate is frowned upon candle

$22.00

Smells like.. freshly signed divorce papers Candle

$22.00

A Wise Woman once said “fuck this shit” and she lived happily ever after

$20.00

I Hope We Are Friends until we die… and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people!

$20.00

We Had Sex In This Room Wood Sign

$20.00

We Sleep Around

$20.00

Fucking Quitter -Oops I Mean- Happy Retirement!

$20.00

I Never Dreamed I'd Grow Up To Be An Asshole but Here I am Killing it

$20.00

The Dog Has Been Fed, Don’t Listen to His Bullshit

$20.00

Plant Mom

$20.00

Seriously. Flush The Fucking Toilet

$20.00

Pull Your Shit Together - Magnet

$6.00

Not an Introvert - Magnet

$6.00

You're Not Hungry, You're Just Stoned - Magnet

$6.00

I'm a goddamn genius - Magnet

$6.00

Sold Out

Doing my fucking best - Magnet

$6.00

I'm a Ray of Fucking Sunshine Magnet

$6.00

Sold Out

Everything Hurts and I'm Dying - Magnet

$6.00

Let's Read Books and Ignore People Magnet

$6.00

I Have No Idea What The Fuck I'm Doing Magnet

$6.00

People. Am I right? Magnet

$6.00

Kitchen Sex Magnet

$6.00